My colleague, Cathy Self, returned from working with one of our client hospitals in Texas with an entertaining story. One of the staff at the hospital had been listening to the CD of my book, Radical Loving Care, in her kitchen. The tape was set on open speaker so that she could cook while listening.  Her ten year old daughter came in, listened to the CD for awhile, and then said to her mom, "Why do adults need to be taught how to love?"
   Why, indeed? 
   Right before I heard that story, Dawn Meadows-Thrasher, another colleague, brought a hard tale about love to my attention. On December 5, 2003, Carolyn Thomas was laughing on the phone with a friend when Kelly, her estranged husband, burst into her room and shot her, the bullet tearing across her face. He then murdered Carolyn's mother. According to police, the motive stemmed from love twisted into insane jealousy.
    Ms. Thomas lingered near death for many days. When she recovered, she could only see out of one eye. What she saw in the mirror must have horrified her. Her once beautiful face was terribly distorted to the point where she became known as "The Woman Without a Face."
    Extensive reconstructive surgery has rebuilt Carolyn's face to the point seen in the image on this page. Much more important, Carolyn has become the face of courage to millions who have seen her on Oprah and through countless appearances across the country. She has become an eloquent spokesperson on the subject of domestic violence, speaking on behalf of countless, mostly anonymous women who have been subjected to the terror of chronic and acute abuse.
   How do we find Love in the presence of what many would describe as an "ugly face?" Caregivers with open hearts help heal people like Carolyn every day. Could we find Love for Ms. Thomas if we saw her in the grocery store and didn't know her heart-rending story? Or would we simply feel that condescending reaction called pity?
   Why do adults need to be taught how to love? Somehow, we forget what we know, or try and twist Love into something it is not. Love does not possess. Possessiveness toward any other human being comes from fear, not Love.
   Meanwhile, Carolyn Thomas says she has found her purpose in life. She says she used to wonder, "Am I here to be a machine operator for the rest of my life?" Now she knows that a big part of her purpose in life is to teach other adults how to love.

-Erie Chapman