Journal of Sacred Work

Days 197-201 – “Life Piled on Life” – Living What We Believe

"…Life piled on life were all too little." – Alfred, Lord Tennyson

   I remember reading Tennyson's poem in my high school poetry book with a mix of sadness and defiance. 

   If "life piled on life" were not enough for the great Tennyson what chance did I have? What do any of us?

Wine time with mom  My mom gave her answer when we celebrated her 100th birthday. "It's wonderful," she said, "I wish I could take everyone with me."

   If we could travel our road the way she did, we'd want to accept her invitation. 

   Towards the end of your life, what would you like to say about your journey?

   In my youth my dreams (perhaps like yours) were untainted by cynicism. My enthusiasm soared. I decided then, and many times since, to pile as much life into my years as I could.

   But, I have done too much from desperation and not enough from Love. 

     I've struggled high in the twin professions of law and healthcare (and now in ministry.) And I've failed many times. 

   I fancied myself a t.v. star and created a television show that made it into 122 countries over eight years (and a companion radio show.) Both were cancelled.

   I've written three books about healthcare. One of them is successful the other two have been flops. One of my four documentary films is shown in hundreds of hospitals. The other three are rarely seen.

   Love kids? Write a children's book. Mine sold fifty copies.

   I've composed music for five cds, written and produced a play (and a movie based on it) been a prize winning photographer, written a novel, published a book of my photographs and poems, and am currently producing another feature-length film.

   What my piled-up life has proved is not that I am multi-talented but that I am multi-interested.

   It also establishes that an ego-driven life can never be "enough."

   Until recently, too many of my endeavors were spawned by desire rather than from passion. The question that has plagued me since I was an idealistic kid remains: Why is it so hard to live what we believe?

   I don't think people should fret about failures. I've obsessed about every one of mine.

   I think people should be patient and kind. I deliver irritable responses more often than a scared porcupine shoots his quills.

   I preach loving care. I doubt I would have the endurance to last more than a month as a bedside caregiver. 

   Self pity is ridiculous. I often wallow in it. 

   I don't believe in despairing. Yet, I have just written four paragraphs that sound like I am doing just that. 

   And if you're wondering about my ego, count the number of times I have used "I" in this article.

   Still, a long life may have taught this wisdom: If we find Love in every moment, the courage to live with passion will follow.  

   Fear can only birth despair.  Love's four children are courage, wisdom, passion and compassion. 

-Erie Chapman 

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6 responses to “Days 197-201 – “Life Piled on Life” – Living What We Believe”

  1. ~liz Wessel Avatar
    ~liz Wessel

    This marvelous photo of your mom and you, says it all, Erie.
    I’ve heard it said that people who accomplish great things are willing to fail again and again and persevere. You approach life as a visionary; seeing endless possibilities. I am beginning to realize how important visioning our future is, for without dreams we will only actualize what is, rather than what could be.
    We aspire to live Love. You have been a great champion for this work and I admire you for continually inspiring us to live this dream as a reality. Will we ever get there? Perhaps as you say moment by moment, failing and trying, loving imperfectly but loving still and still again.
    When a person opens their heart to share from a place of honesty, what flows forth is received with reverence because it is a sacred gift. What you express today, Erie is what we have in common, our experience of being humanly Divine. Thank you for this gift.

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  2. candace nagle Avatar
    candace nagle

    Erie, You have me asking myself and you these questions: What is the difference between desire and passion? Is one ego driven, the other born in love? Does passion give birth to satiety and connection? Desire continue to leave us thirsty and unfulfilled?
    My experience is different than what you describe. It seems you put yourself into the picture and try, whether motivated by ego or love or both. You accept failure. Often I find that the fear you speak of only immobilizes me or that I feel like I am at a banquet but am so overwhelmed by all of the choices that I just sit and stare, unable to fill my plate. The time this is not true is when I forget my self doubt and focus on loving the moment and all that it holds, unattached to outcome; a cat, a child, birds feasting in a plum tree, the pain in my body, a song from somewhere inside, a memory of roller skating on a sidewalk all merge with the quiet morning. I am comfortable in this just ‘being’. But, in action, timidity stands beside me, ready to step in at opportune moments, as I try to bring myself forth into the world and “put myself out there”. Maybe, sometimes, one difference between a ‘do-er’ and a ‘be-er is the response to fear and self intimidation.
    So, thinking about your mother and her blessedly abundant long life, I find myself retorting to my meandering thoughts, “Don’t miss out on your own life!” A skinned knee, a bruised ego…so what…look at the beauty!

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  3. ~liz Wessel Avatar
    ~liz Wessel

    “Forget my self-doubt and focus on loving the moment and all that it holds, unattached to outcome.” That one statement really stands out for me, Candace. Being unattached to the outcome is challenging; and a helpful reminder. I find that I am filled with expectations, much more than I would like to admit, even to myself. Yet, as you say when I let go of my expectations I sometimes experience a sense of peace or perhaps acceptance. The more that I invest of myself, the greater value it holds for me and the harder it is to let go. Sometimes, when I enter into a situation without any expectations, I am delightfully surprised by its natural unfolding (I love when that happens.)
    However, in other situations I think having a goal, a vision of a future state realized is very motivating and necessary if it is to be actualized. This is true in my work, keeping the Mission at the forefront of what I do is important, lest I forget and become cynical. Reflecting on Loving care inspires me to continue on the path as well as the encouragement we receive from like-hearted people.
    The following thought is from artist Rod McIver who offers another perspective in this meaningful exploration and dialogue.
    “Can a person’s life purpose be found doing something that is easy? Or is deep satisfaction only found putting effort into something one is quite likely to fail at, and achieving at least some meaningful result?
    I don’t know. I don’t think deep satisfaction comes from doing something easy. But I do know that extraordinary work, by definition is work that is easy to fail at. Extraordinary work is done by people who, afraid of failure, afraid of the work, wanting to do something else that is easier Force themselves to focus, and try.”

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  4. Erie Chapman Foundation Avatar
    Erie Chapman Foundation

    Thank you Candace and Liz. You two are terrific examples of Love and compassion.

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  5. candace nagle Avatar
    candace nagle

    After reading your second post, Liz, I found myself thinking of St. Francis of Assisi and then Mother Theresa…and Gandhi. All shared a commitment to their work and relinquished their own personal desires…they were passionate about their faith and not controlled by expectations. They must have had tremendous self doubt but did not buckle to their fears. And I imagine them all being sustained by the beauty of the moment…the birds, the love they felt for each person they encountered, the deep breath before the march. In reality, life is never easy, always confronting us with another moral choice or challenge to our selves…even if we bury our heads in the sand…there are still the sand crabs. Whatever is up, it is going to give us a good whirl on the dance floor…there is no escape, is there?! As I heard from a friend’s lyrics, “Whatever is coming for you, you get to have it all.” No exit…keep going. You do extraordinary work, Liz, and as a witness to your commitment, what I see is someone guided by Love. I am sustained by your wisdom so many times!

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  6. Karen York Avatar
    Karen York

    I suppose that at the heart of our “doing” and our “being” it is our intention that makes the difference in whether we feel success or failure. When I aspire to do something with the hope of some outward recognition, I am almost always disappointed. When it does occur, it is short-lived until the next thing comes along. When I aspire to do something because it feels right or helps someone else out, then I am rewarded again and again.

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