Eternity's Humanity

   When Humanity appeared in the next phrase of altered consciousness it brought with it overwhelming relief & joy. It was, "salvific" (salvation-bringing.) Without humanity I would have been left hopeless & body-less spinning in an eternity of color that lacked Love's beauty. 

   I saw no hell. No evil images appeared in those first rooms of eternity. Just those compelling abstractions 

   But an eternity of sound-intensified sight & vice versa, all "seen" with no eyes nor ears because I was body-less? Hellish to me. 

   I needed people. Thank you for appearing, dear mother. She was not the 105-year-old being I watched leaving this earth only a few years ago. Instead, she was the thirty-year old mother of my babyhood. 

   Regression often occurs in mind-altering experiences. The doctor reported that my adult persona periodically became child like. Or baby-like?

   In this room of eternity I was nursing at my mother's breast. Her skin comforted my cheek. An olfactory sensation evoked milk nearby.

   Along with this profound comfort came that ancient longing, more common among males than females, to return to the womb from which I had been ejected. Little boys quickly realize they are unlike their mothers. Was this male alienation part of what has drawn me to women in general?

Clouds of White Light

   As my particular experience unfolded it became gloriously flooded with Love. Loving beings appeared not so much as faces but as clouds of white light each identifiable to me without their identifiable figures. 

   There was my younger sister, my friends Tracy & Jill, a high school girlfriend, a stream of others, all female, including my wife, bathing in light. All came to me with the ease & beautify of heaven.

   During another caregiver-guided experience three years ago, that time with psilocybin, I was voluntarily able to manage some of the fascinating & beautiful imagery that vibrated before me. Ketamine was different.

The Biggest Remaining Question

   Something powerful lingered. It was the biggest reason I had chosen to take the risky leap by taking this drug.

   Two underpinnings of Christianity, as well as most other faiths, are the existence of a higher power & that we must surrender to that power. I always accepted the first truth. It is the second that has been a struggle. 

   How can you gain victory through surrender? I get the logic but the practice has been elusive.

   As I entered this strange journey I surrendered & immediately wondered why the expected calm failed to come.

   My answer came in a surprising revelation.

   You may find that answer, coming in Part IV, life-changing. 

   I am as glad for doing this as any climber that has summited Mount Everest. Everyone takes their trip with varying results.

   Clearly, the harder you work to process, not dismiss, what visits you from other consciousnesses the more fulfilling life becomes.

   Trying requires courage. Learning requires reflection. Growth requires trying again. 

   See you Monday with another revelation. 

-Erie Chapman

Part IV will appear Labor Day, September 6.

Photograph, "Rebecca & Child," 1978 & 2021 by Erie Chapman