Today’s meditation is written by Cathy Self, Senior Vice-President for the Baptist Healing Trust.

Why is this work so hard? We hold a high standard and some days I, too, wonder if the standard is too high? Is it really possible to consistently live Love, especially in the bright light of leadership? Parker Palmer, a highly respected writer and teacher, speaks of the power of leading from within. From his perspective, we can choose to ignore the inner life (although it will continue to influence and often control us) or we can choose to get into it and live through it. The scary thing for most of us is that the inner life is full of shadows and what some might even call monsters.

According to Palmer, there are four shadows that are experienced by many in leadership. There is first the shadow of deep insecurity – insecurity about identity, even worth. This insecurity gets hooked on external functions so intimately that when those functions cease a death of sorts may occur. On the other hand, when an organization is lead by an individual who has willingly gone inward, and who knows who they are independent of a role, that organization is freed, its members are empowered to live fully into who they are. The great spiritual gift of the inward journey is to discover and know for certain that who I am is not dependent on what I do.

The second shadow within many leaders is the perception that life is fundamentally a battleground filled with wins and losses. However, if the world is competitive it is because we have made it so. Yet we know this does not have to be, as we see evidence in organizations around the world that have chosen a different path – a path of community, collaboration, and compassionate caring. The spiritual gift that awaits us through the inward journey is the gift of discovering and knowing the universe is working together for good.

The third leadership shadow described by Palmer is what he calls functional atheism. "This is the belief that ultimate responsibility for everything rests with me," writes Palmer. I am a person of deep, abiding faith in God’s providence and still I am guilty as charged – I often live as though a functional atheist! This unconscious belief leads to workaholic behaviors, burn-out, stressed relationships, and unhealthy priorities. According to Palmer, functional atheism (as an unexamined conviction within) suggests if anything decent is going to happen, I am the one who must make it happen. The spiritual gift of spending time in this shadow is the recognition that not only are there others who can contribute, there are others whose contribution will be far better than mine own! On this part of the inner journey we are invited to learn that we do not have to carry the whole load – others are present to share or even carry it for us. This learning leads to casting far more light and far less shadow on those who choose to follow.

The last and fourth shadow within leaders is fear, especially fear of chaos. Some leaders spend a great deal of time focused on controlling, organizing, and creating the illusion of order hoping that the chaos of change, challenge, and even innovation will not appear and mess things up! In organizational life this shows up in rules, policies, and manuals. Chaos, however, is a precondition to creativity and that learning is a powerful spiritual gift. Knowing that truth is an assurance that I can not only survive but even thrive – in that chaotic field of energy I can experience a new vitality.

The joy and hope is that we don’t have to live out of our fears, but by learning of them and from them we can step courageously into the Light. Palmer suggests that while inner work is a deeply personal matter it does not have to be a private matter. Being together in community with others helps me find the courage to step into shadow, challenging me, stretching me, enticing me to move through and not be afraid. I once participated in a high ropes challenge course, althought I am significantly challenged by heights. Half way up the 30 foot climb I found myself literally frozen to the side of the tree. I could not move up, nor could I even find the courage to move back down. I was stuck until I heard the voice of a friend calling to me from the ground. She was reminding me of all the reasons I had said I wanted to successfully climb the height and traverse the broken bridge. That moment of community moved me from fear and immobility to courage and ultimate success. She was a literaly life-line at that moment – not to fix or to save me but to be with me in the moment.

Is this work we do hard work? Absolutely! Is the standard a very high bar? Higher than most others I know. Is it possible to achieve? I believe it is and I choose to continue on this inner journey that will help me cast more light than shadow because I am not alone in this journey. You are there with me, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Peace and good to each of you,

Cathy