"Depression has no friends, Alex. Find courage or you'll find yourself alone." Judas in Who Loves Judas? by Dane Dakota

   It takes courage for those who are depressed to engage with the world of people who seem happy. It takes another kind of courage for friends, family and caregivers to be present to the special needs of our fellow beings trapped in the cloud of depression.

   The theory goes that everyone wants to be happy. Why wouldn't we? Every message we hear, from the time we are children, preaches "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." When we're around someone who's feeling down, the temptation is to want to "snap them" out of it, as if a click of fingers could magically make the clouds disappear.

   I have heard depression described as anger turned inwards. If that is so, what is the source of this hostility? One possibility is the messages our ego sends our way. We're told not to take things personally, and yet we're also told to open our hearts. Sensitive egos (including mine) are easily hurt. It's a short distance from this hurt to anger. When anger can't find an external target, it turns inward, gradually transforming our serotonin levels from healthy to toxic. I'm no physician, but it's also possible that our brain chemistry changes in ways that trigger melancholy.

  In any case, I count myself among the luckiest people on earth. By most measures, there is very little, if anything, the world could give me that I don't already have. But lucky does not guarantee happiness. Strangely, I still manage to find myself slipping into temporary states of melancholy. When one of these visited me about 12 years ago and stayed too long, I was fortunate to find an angelic caregiver, a spiritual adviser who remained present to me until, gradually, the light reappeared in my life.

   During my darkest time, it was easy to see that most other people around me did not want to be around me. I had become contagious. We quarantine people with contagious illness. And the depressed quickly find themselves isolated. As the character of Judas says in the quote above, "There's no audience for depression." And that is why it takes courage for caregivers to help patients emerge from the terrible cave of self-loathing and the profound feeling of worthlessness that accompanies depression.

   The very feeling of joy that arrives in my heart when I celebrate my precious grandchildren is tinged with thoughts of how irrelevant I am in the lives of my own children. The darker side of my soul tells me that the gift of their success and good health is simultaneously a reminder of how much they don't need me. This, of course, is the curse of a hyper-sensitive ego. Such egos need massive amounts of affirmation beyond that which the world is able to give.

   Perhaps the real "cure" for such egotism is not courage, but the recognition that gratitude is a great pathway to Love's light. There are other "treatments"  I engage to drive back what Churchill called his "black dog." I offer them in hopes that might help you as a caregiver, or someone you love.

1) Find a spiritual companion or psychologist who is trained to deal with depression.

2) Move around. Physical activity is a recognized way to ease mild depression.

3) Divert your thoughts away from yourself to someone or something else. By the time your thoughts return to you, the darkness may have left.

4) Prayer and/or meditation can be healing. When I'm depressed, I do NOT pray for the clouds to leave. Instead, I turn my prayers to gratitude and the needs of others.

5) If none of these work, it may be time for one of the relatively new and often effective serotonin-uptake inhibitors like Prozac or one of its progeny.

   It is a great gift to find caregivers here and there who possess both the courage and the skill to appreciate the role of loving presence for those who are traveling a dark chapter in their lives. This loving presence never passes judgment on the depressed or tells them they have no reason to be depressed.

   Loving caregivers are pathways for Love.

-Erie Chapman