Journal of Sacred Work

Days 350-351 – The Infection of Perfection

"It is a wonderful day in a life when one is finally able to stand before the long, deep mirror of one's own reflection and view oneself with appreciation, acceptance and forgiveness." – John O'Donohue

   Amid the joy I felt when I saw our newborn son forty-two years ago, I thought, "I wish I could protect him from the agonies of this world. I wish I could shield him from the mistakes he is sure to make."  Imperfect flower 
  When I see the precious innocence of our three little grandchildren, I think the same things. Strangely, I am wishing for perfection – no marring, no scarring, no trouble.

   Look closely at the flower (at left) and you will discover it is flawed, as is any other flower. We forgive the flower. Why can't we forgive ourselves?

    Wounding is certain. Wisdom teaches us how to cope not with perfection, but with imperfection. 

   Caregivers are harder on themselves than any group I know. Caregiving in hospitals calls for precision. There is little tolerance for a slip in the operating room and no one wants to hear an "oops" in the Emergency Department or an "Oh no!" from Administration.

   As I often joke in speeches, no surgeon has the luxury of entering the waiting room to shout, "Oh my God, it was so bloody in there!" Professionalism calls for saintly calm and robotic accuracy.  

  What does it mean for a caregiver to be "only human" in her or his work? True professionalism seeks three kinds of wisdom: 1) honesty 2) grace and 3) forgiveness of the self.    

   O'Donohue reminds us of yet another remarkable line Shakespeare gave us: "For with a wound I must be cur'd."

   Wounding is a certain. But it is just as true that only in our wounds are we "cur'd."

   Searching the bloody earth of our deepest pain we discover the stuff of growth and healing.

   Wasn't this true for Jesus? Isn't it true for us as we consider not only his birth, especially at this time of year, but also his suffering? From which do we draw the greatest hope?

   The crime of life is not to make a mistake or to suffer harm. The crime is to waste Pain's expensive lessons - including the need to forgive ourselves, even if nobody else does.

   O'Donohue writes that "so many people are infected with the virus of perfection." Every artist wants to create the ideal painting. Every caregiver wants a perfect, mistake-free career. 

   No "ideal" painting has ever been created. No experienced caregiver has lived a mistake-free career.

    We have a consolation. If we have the courage to keep trying, to rise above ourselves, to reach inside and lift out our best, we will gain glimpses of that perfection that God's Love offers.

    Humility teaches the wise that the window of perfection opens forever in another world, not in this one. The loving pathway across this life calls not for perfection, but for Love and forgiveness.

-Reverend Erie Chapman  

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4 responses to “Days 350-351 – The Infection of Perfection”

  1. ~liz Wessel Avatar
    ~liz Wessel

    We hold a mistaken perception that we ought to be perfect. Yet, you offer an interesting point of view, Erie. I’ve not thought of wanting to protect our loved ones as a wish for perfection but I see the implications.
    My prayer is to awaken. What I am beginning to understand is that awakening does not equate to some blissful state, but rather to be willing to stand and face my fears and anxiety without judgment and when they arise to resist running away. I wish to acknowledge and accept my imperfections with an open Loving heart…(easier said than done).
    I’ve heard it said that learning to forgive is our main purpose here on this earth. I believe that we must forgive ourselves before we can extend the gift to others.
    Funny, but I do not see any imperfection in the rose only exquisite beauty.

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  2. Marily Avatar
    Marily

    It is difficult to face the mistakes we have done but much harder when we linger around trying to forget the fault… it haunts us down even in our deepest hideaway.

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  3. Maria Doglio Avatar
    Maria Doglio

    Erie, you have brought up a memory I haven’t thought of in a while…..the day his father and I took our first precious babe home from the hospital, into the little VW and out into the city, I realized I couldn’t shield his pristine newborn state from pollution of the city nor from life itself. As a young mother of 21, I remember the sheer panic and held him closer, realizing I could only do the best I could in my care for him. In spite of my panic, he just slept peacefully in my arms. Those days, we sat in the front seat holding the baby for the ride home (1965)! Imagine that! We’d be arrested in today’s world! 🙂
    I can look back on my life and anguish over some major mistakes. But with time and wisdom that comes with experiences, I have realized that I did the best I could under some trying circumstances. I also recognize when I didn’t do the best I could. Recognizing my lessons and how often I may have repeated the cycle until “I got it” is ongoing! When we start to see our mistakes and how they really fit into the lesson, the more we can give our self forgiveness and a chance not to repeat the lesson.
    We are all caregivers of one sort or another either on the job or in our home or within family. We are also caregivers of our soul in our human overcoat. Sometimes it takes pain and suffering to get us back on track so that we may fulfill our life’s purpose in this lifetime. I don’t think lessons are ever lost—only postponed. We always get another chance, either in this lifetime or the next or in spirit on the “other side”. (My personal belief system includes reincarnation).
    I think all of us get caught up in some type of perfectionism—it seems our society demands it of us, and we also get caught in measuring our worth according to others; which only increases our guilt and suffering. That’s why I feel it’s important to recognize when we find ourselves living our lives according to other people’s worlds. As long as we are true to the basic universal values that comes with love, we will be a peace with our lives.
    Besides, just when we think we have reached a perfect life, we see ways to create new desires to be better, or change, or take a higher path;change seems to just keep cropping up; so it never ends, this rising above our current state into a higher consciousness. But that is what life is all about isn’t it! Letting go, accepting, loving, learning and forgiving.

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  4. ~liz Wessel Avatar
    ~liz Wessel

    This question keeps rising up in my mind…what’s their to forgive? Answer: It may be different for each of us. For me, perhaps a mistaken perception that I am somehow separate from Love’s presence. I do believe that when all is said and done there is really nothing to forgive because our mistaken perceptions were never really real anyway.
    I came across this familiar poem this morning on “Being” and had to share it.
    “Love after Love”
    by Derek Walcott
    The time will come
    when, with elation,
    you will greet yourself arriving
    at your own door, in your own mirror,
    and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
    and say, sit here. Eat.
    You will love again the stranger who was your self.
    Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
    to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
    all your life, whom you ignored
    for another, who knows you by heart.
    Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
    the photographs, the desperate notes,
    peel your own image from the mirror.
    Sit. Feast on your life.

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