Days 310-311 Uncovering Basic Goodness

"Learn to laugh and cry with a gentle heart." -Trungpa Rinpoche

Note: weekend essay offered by guest contributor ~liz Sorensen Wessel

There are times when the shadow of doubt creeps over me. This leads me to a very vulnerable place in which, I feel exposed, as though the shameful secret of my unworthiness is being revealed to the world.

Thoughts like “now that they know the truth about me…” bubble up to the surface. Wow, what a painful place to return to… is this what it was like as a kid? I can’t help but wonder. Yet, this is a space that I would much rather avoid and never re-visit again. After all, as a middle-aged, aging woman, can’t I move beyond adolescent self-esteem issues? I hear a chastising voice within say, “I mean really, Liz get over it and let’s move on”, as I dissolve in a pool of embarrassment. Still on some level I know there is more to this than that.

Yet, in the quiet of the dawn while I sit listening, sometimes dreaded thoughts and painful feelings want to speak out rather intensely. Perhaps, because they have been ignored for too long. Yet, I’ve experienced a Loving presence that is willing to bravely sit with me without judgment.

Although I don’t think it was outwardly noticeable, inwardly this has been a challenging week for me. My anxiety grew as I took an honest look at myself and I felt a big sense of disappointment. Then in a quiet whisper the Holy Spirit encouraged me to have a little self-compassion, to look without condemnation.

This evening I sought out Pema Chodron’s wisdom on YouTube. It helps to know that in one way or another, we all have struggles and that perhaps beneath the surface we are not so different after all. In this video, Pema speaks about how we so often cover over our basic goodness with less attractive behaviors. She encourages us to touch the heart of our grief, shame, rage, jealousy, loneliness, etc. To look with a gentle heart, to honestly see your/myself without giving up on ourselves. Take a few minutes to watch this video because her helpful insights will give you back a tenfold gift.

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Categories: Reflections, Holidays, Spirituality

Tags: Erie Chapman Foundation, Liz sorensen Wessel, Pema Chödrön, Trungpa Rinpoche

11 responses to “Days 310-311 Uncovering Basic Goodness”

candace nagle

October 22, 2011 at 10:16 am

Liz, I think we had the same kind of week. Thanks for being you and sharing your journey with us. It helps me remember that I am in good company on this ship of fools. Bless us all. After listening to Pema I thought of the following Rumi poem:
Rumi – Guest House
This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
“Learn to laugh and cry with a gentle heart.” That is a keeper!

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Maureen McDermott

October 22, 2011 at 7:35 pm

A couple of weeks ago after parking the car I commented, “I think I am crooked”, to which the passenger replied, “Maureen, we are all crooked.” How true. Thank you Liz for reminding us to embrace ourselves fully, gently and with compassion.

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Maria Doglio

October 22, 2011 at 11:12 pm

I think the “I mean really, Liz get over it and let’s move on”, voice is your inner wise woman. Because as you went on to say, “Still on some level I know there is more to this than that.” Sometimes there is more, and it’s up to us to find out what it is.
Don’t be embarrassed for being yourself for all of the parts of you make you uniquely Liz. We all do silly, crazy wild and foolish things and sometimes I think we judge ourselves too harshly because of others expectations of how we should “be”. If we feel we’ve done poorly one week, we always have a chance to improve the next week. I’ve gotten into the habit of observing myself rather than judging–that way I can face whatever has come up and deal with it–and it puts me in a better place to forgive myself with a “gentle heart” and move on.

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Teri

October 23, 2011 at 2:44 am

Ah, Ms Liz………..
You are such an amazing women with so many gifts!
You continuely grow and share your “self learning” with us all allowing all of us to feel vulnerable in a good way; you touch all of us with your sharing of your personal thoughts, bringing us all closer in to the fold of womenhood, sisterhood, friends……..
Bless you my friend for your many gifts you give to all of us!
Teri

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Victoria

October 23, 2011 at 11:00 am

This morning as I sat working to catch up on unfinished work items, I could truly relate to your reflection. I was ashamed to have not completed my work week’s projects and felt surely a continued failure…
Your tender and telling reveal sparks an ember found in each of us. And to see this gentle, understanding and supporting community in today’s participants I see we are fortunate to be cared for and loved by you, Liz.
We are human, we are kind and we mean well. These are the best signs of compassion and self-healing that I can think of. I thank you for sharing and giving the gift of Pema Chodron’s message to get me through the day…V

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Maria Doglio

October 23, 2011 at 11:07 am

” To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” Oscar Wilde
(

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~liz Wessel

October 23, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Thanks Candace, Sr. Maureen, Maria, Teri and Victoria for all of your sensitive kind words of caring and friendship.
Thoughts and feelings move through us like clouds, in this ever-changing landscape of our lives. Yesterday, I might have preferred to share some sparkling images of peace and contentment but I decided instead to share what was painfully real.
I spent the entire day reading, exercising, meditating, reading some more, eating when I felt like it, and just being quiet. Yet, I wasn’t filled with peace, rather I experienced anxiety. A voice within me kept prodding me to do something useful, “after all, look around this place, how can you not get up and get busy?” Circling the air was should, rather be, and ought to, distracting and cajoling me. Still, I did nothing, did not get together with friends, did not return phone calls. To put my feelings out there, I felt naked and exposed, but today I feel a sense freeing release.
I slept better last night than I can remember. When I woke today, I was in a good space. I realize now that it was a self-care day and it was just what my soul needed, rest from a long week of doing…doing…doing.
Today, I am filled with gratitude for your unconditional love and friendship!
Thank you dear friends!
~liz

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erie chapman

October 23, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Returned this Sunday evening from out of town to see our Journal entry, Liz, and all the terrific comments. What a blessings.

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erie chapman

October 23, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Also, Liz, your self-portrait is terrific!

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Maureen McDermott

October 23, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Thank you Liz for the update. Thank you too for your honesty which leads us to be honest with ourselves, to live the truth of who we are each day and to grow into the freedom that awaits us. May peace surround you.

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Marily

October 24, 2011 at 4:39 pm

It’s a great insight to look with a gentle heart, to honestly see ourselves without giving up on ourselves or on each other… a gentler way to live life, it’s like finding the “Pearl of Great Price”.
Thank you Liz.

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