"How do we learn to live love rather than spending our lives afraid? One way is to change our stories." – Inside Radical Loving Care 

            His
father was a surgeon. Mark took the same path. When I met him he was in his final
year of residency.

            The story
Mark told himself was that he was his father’s son and would therefore be like
him. There was one problem.

            Mark’s
father had a terrible temper. He was attending the Medical Association program
for anger management. If he failed to change he would be removed from the
staff.

            Mark knew
nothing about this. When he started copying the same behavior I called him into
my office. “You’re not going to graduate if you don’t do something about the
abusive way you are treating our nurses,” I told him

            Mark was
stunned. “I didn’t think that mattered,” he told me. “My dad blew up. I thought
it was okay.”

            “You need
to decide who you are,” I said. “If your story is that you are a copy of your
dad you’re in trouble.”

             Years
later, Mark told me our conversation changed his life. “I was telling myself I
was like my dad. I realized that didn’t need to be true.”           

          The
most fascinating journey you can take is to create a new story around your life. Renown storyteller Minton Sparks (above) now helps countless people in this work.

             If you are a leader you can change the
story of an entire organization.

            At a personal level, what do you want
your days to be like right now?

            New story
creation can be as simple as Monday morning. It’s part of America’s work
culture to hate Mondays.

            Since
there’s going to be a Monday every seven days why fret about it? You can change
your life story by deciding to celebrate Monday instead of dreading it.

            The beginning of your “new story” adventure
is to ask yourself questions: What parts of my story grow from Love? Which
parts are informed by fear?

             If you are the one who decides how
you feel why are you choosing to live fear instead of Love?

             Many people have never thought of
their lives in this way. The process of doing so can lead to the finest
awakening you may ever experience.

             But, the process can only succeed
if you are completely honest with yourself. The deeper you probe the greater
your growth will be.

             What is your story about your work
as a caregiver? Do you think of yourself as both compassionate and competent?

             Why did you become a caregiver?
What are the influences that have shaped your decisions since then? Who is
shaping them now, you or someone else?

             Do you think of your job as hard
labor or as a calling? Every job has tiresome elements. If these aspects
dominate your tale it’s time to consider a new story.

             Do you tell yourself it’s your
supervisor’s fault? Do you blame your team?

             What is the story of your work
culture? What can you contribute to help change that culture so that caregiving
becomes more of a joy?

             It’s hard to do this work alone.
Group sessions with fellow workers or friends are crucial.

             The stories you tell your self and the way you tell them impact your world every day. Change your stories and you change
your life. 

             If you are a leader, change the story of the culture and you will change the lives of the caregivers you supervise. If the story of your culture tolerates mediocrity, that becomes the truth in that culture.

             If the story becomes we are a culture of caring, than that impacts the behavior of every caregiver and every patient every day. 

             Imagine the impact that would have on patient care?

-Erie Chapman

Photograph: "Minton Sparks and JJ in Performance" – copyright erie chapman 2013