Days 68-72 I Don’t Know

The Dalai Lama is revered by Buddhists as their leader and by millions of others for his wisdom as well as his fine sense of humor. After giving a speech at the University of Colorado he fielded questions from the audience.

Parker Palmer reports that one man rose with an inquiry. Excited at the opportunity to address the great man he went on and on. As Palmer pointed out, "People who ask long, rambling 'questions' don't really stop. They sort of subside, as the surf does now and then."

Finally, the man got to a question. How can my wife and I raise our three small children?

After a pause, the Dalai Lama spoke: "How should I know? I MONK!"

How incredibly refreshing. "How does it feel to step into a stream, Daddy?" Step in.

Since the Journal began eight years ago I have often felt odd about offering you answers. How should I know?

Caregivers (and their leaders) often think they are supposed to have the answer to every question. So often, the best and most courageous response is also the honest one: "I don't know."

-Erie Chapman

Published by

swiftlyunabashed93c6d9b23b

Categories: Reflections, Holidays, Spirituality

Tags: “I don’t know”, caregivers, Dalai Lama, Erie Chapman, Journal of Sacred Work

10 responses to “Days 68-72 I Don’t Know”

Anonymous

March 9, 2015 at 4:33 am

Erie: I like the photo (presumably) of your tender child’s question to you and your response was “step in”. I also like the Dalai Lama’s response to the question posed to him. Likewise, many times we as caregivers are approached with a subject/subjects and asked “what do you think” or how do you feel about a subject matter? We can be supportive at the same time acknowledge we do not know the answers as we are not in the patient’s shoes or not qualified in the field of expertise to give them an answer. We can refer them back to the MD or other qualified staff that can help them. sbeng

LikeLike

Reply
erie chapman

March 9, 2015 at 11:23 am

Thank you, Suan. You must have had to answer so many questions across your many years of caregiving. Thank you for being there for so many in need.

LikeLike

Reply
~liz Wessel

March 9, 2015 at 3:01 pm

I love this essay, Erie, pure of heart, a simple message, and yet profound. I appreciate the wonderful humor shared in the story as a helpful reminder to relax and experience the moment. Rather than giving answers, Erie I think you more often offer inspiration or as Rilke one wrote, “live into the answers.” Thank you for this priceless pearl, the gift of yourself.

LikeLike

Reply
Cheri Cancelliere

March 9, 2015 at 4:40 pm

I had to learn so much before I learned to say “I don’t know!” 🙂

LikeLike

Reply
Maria Doglio

March 9, 2015 at 6:35 pm

They must have thought that he had a magic pill – I love his honest answer!
I have come to understand that when asked, give guidance if possible, and I make sure the asker knows it is based on my personal beliefs and experience; then they have to take it (or leave it) as it applies to their own lives. I suggest they calm their mind in order to let answers come in. With kids, it’s “learn as you go”–right?!
Our inner perspective of how we see the world is unique to ourselves – no one can ever really see the true inner complexities of another human being. Sometimes you just have to step into the stream – nice analogy, Erie!

LikeLike

Reply
Erie Chapman Foundation

March 10, 2015 at 12:30 pm

Thank you, Liz – especially for calling up Rilke’s wisdom to “live into the answers.” Korea looks spectacular. What a life changing experience!

LikeLike

Reply
Erie Chapman Foundation

March 10, 2015 at 12:31 pm

Exactly, Cheri. And now you know that you don’t know:-)

LikeLike

Reply
Erie Chapman Foundation

March 10, 2015 at 12:32 pm

Yes, Maria. Thank you for posting this comment. “With kids it’s learn as you go” – and with adults also, I guess. I step into the stream and often slip on the rocks.

LikeLike

Reply
JVD

March 10, 2015 at 3:57 pm

When I first read through the post i really enjoyed it as a simple aside, thought or observation on life. And yet, I agree with Liz that as simple a message as this can be, it is profound. Actually one could do an entire thesis on the relationships shown in the picture, the father of the children, the spiritual father and the child. The baptism of water, the flowing stream of knowledge. The ocean of life.
Guidance – expectations – I don’t know. A balancing act.
A small view into the daily life of a caregiver.

LikeLike

Reply
Erie Chapman Foundation

March 11, 2015 at 8:43 am

Thank you so much for everything you see in this post and photograph, JVD. I am very grateful for your contributions to the Journal!

LikeLike

Reply