The Irish are spectacular storytellers. Every year on St. Patrick's Day the Irish jokes abound. My friend, Andy, sent me one that has been told for years (You can tell by the reference to pay phones):

   "While on vacation in Rome, I noticed a marble column in St. Peter's with a golden telephone on it. As a priest passed by, I asked who the telephone was for.

   "The priest said it was a direct line to heaven and if I'd like to call it would be a thousand dollars. I was amazed, but declined.

   "Throughout Italy, I kept seeing the same golden telephone on a marble column. At each, I asked about it and the answer was the same: The call would cost a thousand dollars.

   "In Ireland I decided to attend Mass. When I walked in the door I noticed the golden telephone. Underneath it was a sign: "DIRECT LINE TO HEAVEN: 25 cents."

   "'Father," I said, "I have been all over Italy and in all the cathedrals I've seen telephones exactly like this one. But the price was always a thousand dollars. Why is this one only 25 cents?"

   The priest smiled. "You're in Ireland now. It's a local call.'"

   In the Protestant version the line is, "You're in a Baptist Church now. It's a local call." The Jewish version has less punch because in Jerusalem many religions agree phoning God is a local call. 

   I love this joke in all its forms. I have also wondered why each religion thinks they are closer to God and everyone else is further away.

   God must be like art. Neither can be defined. You know – or you do not. 

-Reverend Erie Chapman 

Photograph & painting by Erie