Is narcissism a condition in need of caregiving? Psychotherapist Dr. Thomas Moore describes it as a personality disorder in which "a person does not love himself." What is worrisome is that, because of their feelings of superiority, sufferers become sadistic. "We know instinctively that someone who talks about himself all the time must not have a very strong sense of self," Dr. Moore writes. People with such a personality disorder are compelled to give false praise to some & to vilify anyone who criticizes them. 

   Does this sound like Donald Trump? Loving caregivers, laboring selflessly to meet our deepest needs, must be fascinated by the chest-beating of this now very public figure.

   This essay is not about Trump's political positions (although, not surprisingly, they shift like a man walking on slippery rocks in shallow water.) The question is do such people embolden others to act the same? Do they need psychologists to heal self-loathing? The fact that Trump would likely never consider hiring one is a sign of his illness.     

   Criticize a narcissist and you will instantly see the symptoms: 1) An immediate & always personal counter-attack (rather than a criticism on the issue.) Examples are easy. "You are an idiot, a failure & a loser." These are some of the weapons of the self-centered & their kin, bullies. 2) Narcissists never take responsibility because it is too painful. In fact, their egos lack the strength to admit blame so it is always someone else's fault. (Note: Psychologist also warn about the reverse: Always thinking it is your fault and masochistically taking the blame.)

   We all exhibit some self-centered behaviors. Many of us (including me) take criticism far too personally & talk too much. Yet, psychologists know that shyness does not automatically make you any less narcissistic than a politician. The question is whether you think you & your needs are central & everyone else is secondary.

   But, if you worry about being a narcissist yourself, you are probably not one. In fact, psychologists have trouble treating this disorder exactly because the patient typically will not admit the problem. 

   "Even though they are opposites, many people seem to have difficulty distinguishing narcissism from a proper and necessary love of self," Dr. Moore explains. Humility honors the self as a child of God. Narcissists think they are gods – a sun around which all planets revolve. 

   Unintentionally, Trump is teaching us valuable lessons. 1) Bullies retreat only when someone either stands up to them directly or, more effectively, 2) helps everyone turn their audience's attention elsewhere. Lack of attention sucks the oxygen out of narcissists, and 3) bullies attract the fearful.

   Bullies are way too common in healthcare leadership. The first step in dealing with them is to recognize their "terrorist" ways. The next is find the inner strength to stand strong. To love yourself enough so that the taunts of such people do not scare your heart or sap your energy.

   This is why, hardest of all, Love calls us to feel compassion for people engaging in such behavior. Like all of life's big challenges this one calls us to engage the strength that can only come from God's love. 

Reverend Erie Chapman