Journal of Sacred Work

Days 224-227 – Ancestral Gifts

Great grandma mary lees daviews whitehouse c1880 - 1860-1953 (1)   It is our family's good fortune that both my children honor their ancestors & are experts on our history. Through them, I honor some who came before and whose trail leads into today.

   My daughter sent this image of my maternal great grandmother, Mary Lees Davis Whitehouse. Bright and beautiful in this 1880 picture she does not resemble the woman I saw in 1953 shortly before she passed away at 93. And yet she is the same.

  It was a once-only twenty minute visit. But the 140-year-old picture startles. The contrast of this bright & beautiful young lady with the woman I saw in 1953 is the difference between sunrise & the gloaming gray in her life's last room.It is a surprise what I remember

Great Grandma, 1953

…I walk the ramp to her room, uncomfortable aromas seep from the nursing home kitchen.

Her room lit by Miss Havesham. A white gowned ghost reclines
as if never to rise.

Ever after she defined the word "wan." From her wan face, a wan voice spoke my nickname, "Hello, Chip."

Her boney hand, wrapped in parchment that might crumble if I touched it was  smooth when I did. More veins than skin.

The slightest of smiles as she watched us recede.

I eased back down the rubber-ribbed ramp, out, away, freed of those smells of life's last, glad to return to the eternity of youth
looking now at my own hand, more veins than skin.

What childhood memories of relatives are tucked in the attic of your memory? Which of your ancestors were caregivers? 

-Erie Chapman

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6 responses to “Days 224-227 – Ancestral Gifts”

  1. Ann Debes Avatar
    Ann Debes

    Life’s last room…powerful words. Thank you for this memory which is similar to my last visit. Do you remember that we were there together?
    I’m afraid you won’t recognize me next time I see you because I see “more veins than skin” all over…

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  2. ~liz Wessel Avatar
    ~liz Wessel

    What a lovely picture of your grandmother and a blessing that your adult children are aware of your family history; such a treasure. Whats trikes me is the video I’ve seen several times on the NY Zen Buddhist hospice care. When this caregiver speaks to the sacredness of living and being present with the dying. He says with such love, Just think this 102 year old woman lying in this bed was once a baby and in her dying is the culmination of her whole life… he said it more eloquently but it made such a lasting impression…
    What strikes me too is youth’s encounters and what we are able to absorb or really understand at such an early age. I never met my paternal grandmother both she and my grandfather died young and within 6 mos of each other. Svea had breast CA. Although I never met her, I fell in love with her through photographs of her. I was fascinated too by the pictures of her as a surgical nurse in NYC and all those tools that looked so archaic.
    My maternal grandmother Kate died when I was 13 but I have clear remembrances of her. I have come to love her and my grandfathers more in these later years, cherishing the stories I have heard and learning more about them and their lives over time.
    Thank you Erie for bringing these thoughts and remembrances to the surface and for sharing some of yours.

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  3. Terry Chapman Avatar
    Terry Chapman

    Life keeps asking all of us to change and adapt as our bodies age and our life energies become less, gradually of course, but less.
    I just posted a favorite photo of my parents and me age 3 and as I looked at the photo, it was hard to believe my mother was that vibrantly alive and full of zest! Her caregiving to my nuclear family was constant and never ending. She devoted her life to my brother and me and my Dad. I treasure an image of her balancing a heavy book on her head and dancing across her condo living room always entertaining and vital to the end. And so it goes from generation to generation!

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  4. erie chapman Avatar
    erie chapman

    Love this comment, Ann. Yes. I do remember that you and mom were there but do not recall Dad being there and Martha was not.
    If this was your last visit perhaps there were others? I was only there once that I recall.
    As for veins, glad ours are still doing their job:-)

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  5. erie chapman Avatar
    erie chapman

    Thanks so much for your comments and for adding to this in meaningful ways, Liz.

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  6. erie chapman Avatar
    erie chapman

    “Life keeps asking all of us to change and adapt as our bodies age and our life energies become less,…” Great comment, Terry! In some ways, I actually feel some of my energies rising (while others fall( as I consult whatever it is that life has delivered across long years.

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