December trees   The line comes from the last half of Mary Oliver's poem, "In Blackwater Woods." If poetry's word arrangement is off-putting first read this like a paragraph: 

Every year
everything
I have ever learned

in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side

is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it
go,
to let it go.

   Letting go can be heart-breaking for caregivers. Letting go of anyone or anything loved is soul-rending because "life depends on it." That is why Oliver's lines are as bare-boned as December trees. 

   And letting go can also deliver the salvation of a sunset ("whose meaning/ none of us will ever know") ending a day that I held against my bones.

-Erie Chapman 

Photograph "December Trees" by Erie, December 6, 2020 

 

4 responses to “Days 341-345 “…everything I have ever learned””

  1. Terry Chapman Avatar
    Terry Chapman

    Powerful idea: “love what is mortal” is the easy part, though often challenging when those we love are ill, or unloving, or leave us to our own diminished existence. Letting go, however, is much more difficult to do. Each of us desires that the best of our lives on Earth continue on forever, knowing that we too will leave this “mortal coil” when God decides!
    Balancing these opposites takes courage, perseverance, a bit of good fortune, and an acceptance that like the newly fallen snow with all of its sparkling brilliance, we will disappear but live on in the touched lives of all we meet on all the pathways of a lifetime.

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  2. Teresa Reynolds Avatar
    Teresa Reynolds

    What a powerful reflection! Thank you

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  3. ~liz Wessel Avatar

    I have been holding this poem and carrying it with me…for these lines are poignant and so true. I think the key is to keep our hearts open to our life experiences. I tend to want to hold on to what is good and to avoid pain. Yet, if I can hold a tender space for the hurting aspects with a kind of reverence, a gentleness the perhaps suffering can be transformed.
    Early in life, I was able to turn my back on my suffering…I could cut it out of my awareness. Yet, being cut off from feeling is not fully living…yet it helped me to cope and move forward at the time.
    As my life has progressed I’ve intentionally tried to keep my heart open regardless of the winds of change. I’d like to think I’ve benefited and learned something about myself and others; empathy, compassion, forgiveness, Love.
    Now, I find myself noticing my thoughts more, the disparaging thoughts towards myself or others. Rather than judging it…naming it and letting it slip away in the eithers… this leads to greater self understanding… to let go of what no longer serves a greater good.
    Thank you for this gifting, Erie and for sharing this space for reflection.

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  4. Liz Sorensen Wessel Avatar
    Liz Sorensen Wessel

    P.S. I love the image and the hues in the sky and the lacy limbs of the tree reaching towards the light.

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