"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.  Who looks outside, dreams.  Who looks inside, awakens."
-  Carl Jung  

Essay by ~liz Sorensen Wessel

Emotions are powerful; they can effervesce quite surprisingly in vibrant colors of immense joy and elation, or as blissful peace and contentment. Happiness is a state of being we all wish to experience.

However, some feelings show up as unwanted guests. They can rear their disdainful heads in fiery anger, jealousy, as undeniable fear and anxiety, or in unfathomable despair. When we highly value something or care deeply for someone and perceive a loss, fear can overtake rational thought.  Suddenly, our loving intention morphs into a less admirable, self-centered motivation.  I can experience a myriad of intense feelings and not wanting them seems to make them all the more persistent in demanding attention.

At times, emotions can seem extremely difficult to contain, as unruly as a two year child and equally difficult to control. Is it no wonder that many of us want to avoid our feelings? It can help to understand that emotions do not come out of thin air. First, a thought arises floating in neutrality.  Only when we add personal meaning to the thought do we experience a feeling.

The meaning we create from our thoughts is influenced unconsciously by our lived experiences. How we interpret life experiences varies from person to person. Each of us knows that formative experiences in childhood create a lens through which we see the world. Throughout life, as we try to make sense of situations of seeming cause and effect our mental models develop. We make suppositions that we then apply in future situations.

Too often in relationships our interpretations are biased and based on faulty assumptions. How quick we climb the ladder of inference and begin to tell ourselves a story based on the personal meaning we add to the situation. Frequently, we do not stop to ask ourselves or the other person about the validity of our perceptions. Unfortunately, this sets us up for misunderstandings, hurt feelings or potential conflict.  

Okay, so intellectually, this all makes sense but taking this knowledge from my head to my gut seems more challenging to overcome. I believe that I am still missing a significant piece of the puzzle necessary for a balanced perspective; to center attention on my heart energy. In quiet, we can ask the Holy Spirit, our inner wisdom, our God (a name that you know) to help us see differently. We need to feel safe enough to open in vulnerability and begin to look at our blind spots that are kept hidden from sight; all that we shun and then despise in ourselves for feeling what we do.

Sometimes, it seems as though I am the only person who struggles in this way and that I am alone with my irrational fears and feelings. Yet, I am hopeful too because of this desire I have to share my heart and humanness with you. However flawed, I am one step closer to uncovering the Beauty that lies obscured but ever present in me. I read a quote by Pema Chodron, that I found helpful, “We are all in this together. So when you realize that you’re talking to yourself, label it “thinking” and notice your tone of voice. Let it be compassionate and gentle and humorous. Then you’ll be changing old stuck patterns that are shared by the whole human race. Compassion for others begins with kindness to ourselves.”

As caregivers, we have an opportunity to shed old models of thinking that no longer serve any good purpose. It is only to the degree that we forgive ourselves that we heal and then can offer this in kind to others.  

Wishing you kind and compassionate thoughts so that your radiance shines through to bless you and others abundantly. ~liz

Mandala drawing by ~liz