Why is it that those who love each other the most often hurt each other the most?

   I wondered this when a longtime friend shared a recent encounter. Not only is she an incredibly loving mother, but her three children love her the way all parents want to be loved. 

   One day, one of her adult children suddenly drew a long-sheathed sword of resentment and spoke it into her soul.  "It was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me," she told me, without repeating the toxic words. "I love him so deeply and I know he loves me. Why would he say such a terrible thing?"

   It took my friend months to recover. But, real Love, if given the chance, will always cure the pain of earthly love.

   "We're fine now," she told me, "maybe even better than before. I made the mistake of thinking it was about me. It wasn't. I think this kind of thing happens to people who truly care for each other."

   Really? Why would you or I hurt someone we love?

   The Apostle Peter, the "rock" upon which the Catholic church is built, denied he even knew the Christ who he claimed to love the most. And he denied him not only once but, as Jesus predicted, three times.

   Love's question becomes not can we avoid hurting those we love the most. The challenge is whether we can let Love mend the rips we sometimes tear in the fabric of our most precious relationships.

   To do so means to bury the tools of counter-attack and revenge you may have spent years honing. The soul is not repaired by sharp weapons but by burying weapons altogether. 

   The love you practice is weighed down by demands of the world. That is why only God's Love can heal the wounds sometimes inflicted by earthly love. 

   You and I knew that already. But, we can so often forget. Even Jesus, on the cross, wondered how it could be that God would forsake him. 

   Then he remembered. God is Love. 

-Erie Chapman

 

5 responses to “Days 80-81 – Can Love Heal “love?””

  1. Bobbye Terry Avatar

    So true, Erie, all of it. Beautifully written. There is truth in the words of the old song, “you always hurt the one you love.” It’s so hard to see the need to forgive at a time when someone you would give everything for suddenly turns on you. But, that is exactly what we need to do as Christians. After all, just as the woman said in the example, it wasn’t about her in the first place. It was about her son and his own internal fights. Yet regardless, first and foremost we need to remember to forgive ourselves, and then forgive those we believe have wronged us. No one does anyone any favors by harboring anger or resentment and it is actually harmful to the person who does so.

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  2. ~liz Wessel Avatar

    You offer up some interesting questions for reflection but more importantly a tender response. Each person who read this remarkable essay will relate to your message in their own unique way as we apply it to our own lives.Great insight, Bobbye, thank you! I agree, the caustic wounds inflicted by your friend’s son, most likely reflects his own deep pain. This is good for me to remember, as I too tend to over personalize.
    I recently heard anger described as a wonderful emotion because its purpose is to help us redefine our boundaries. This perspective required a shift in my thinking. I’ve also heard that anger is a call for help and certainly erupts when a person feels a threatened or unsafe; that would make sense for her son as he claims his independence.
    However, beyond this storyline you speak a glorious truth, Erie. At the end of the day I can think of only one thing that matters; Love.
    Thank you
    ~liz

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  3. Anne Nguyen Avatar
    Anne Nguyen

    Thank you, Erie- this journal was very provoking and seems to hold truth. It is hard to find an explanation for the things we do to the ones we love sometimes- why would we hurt the ones we love most? But I believe that the challenge is ‘can love mend this tear?’ ‘can love conquer all?’ God’s love heals all; His love conquers all. Love is all we need.

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  4. Sarah Kelly Avatar
    Sarah Kelly

    Wow, what a powerful message. This makes me think of my favorite quote from one of my favorite movies of all time called, “A Walk to Remember.” It is about the everlasting love of two people, more powerful than most of us have in an entire lifetime. The girl has leukemia and is in the last stages of life. The quote that touches me still to this day from this movie is, “Love is like the wind, you can feel it, but you cannot see it.” I think that these are such beautiful words if we have ever felt love and know what love is. Love is not always about how you act or what you show, but it should be about how you and others who you love make you feel and how you make them feel loved.

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  5. Sarah Kelly Avatar
    Sarah Kelly

    Also one of my favorite quotes from the bible that is my all-time favorite about love is:
    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
    Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
    1 Corinthians 13:4-8

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