Note: Reflection by Liz Sorensen Wessel

Perhaps we let a cherished friend or loved one down by something we said or did or failed to say or do. The endearing image that was held of us comes crashing down in a tidal wave of disappointment.

The illusionary curtain has fallen, our weaknesses and vulnerabilities exposed, stemming from old wounds, that once triggered rapidly distort our thinking and spins out in fear. All these shadow secrets that we avoid and have kept hidden suddenly lay bare in a pool of hurt, judgment and feelings of shame.

As in the classic story of Dorothy and her friends who traveled a perilous journey searching out the great Wizard who could give them what they perceived was lacking within or a deep character flaw; be it,  a lack of genius, cowardice, a heart for love, or of finding a way home. We are always searching to fill a deep longing… and when we look outside ourselves for the answer we eventually hit upon disillusionment.

It is the truth exposed, the one we try to protect in our human frailties; that we lack, are not enough, are not truly worthy of love. It is painful to sit beside such a deep rooted woundedness. Yet, all of the spiritual teachings point to doing just this.

Spiritual teacher, Tara Brach is so helpful in this regard because rather than falling into a pit of self-loathing or thinking I am the only person in the world who experiences these lapses, she normalizes this as a part of being human.  She explains how situations that cause conflict can trigger painful feelings, or guilt as we immediately jump from a situation that seems bad to I must be a bad person.

Tara Brach encourages us to bear witness with loving kindness. But how? Don’t avoid pain but turn toward it and attend to need with love.  Isn’t this what caregivers do for others? When a deep need is met with a loving response the sacred enters in, this is the wisdom Erie Chapman has taught us. Why then is it so hard to offer this gift to ourselves?

When triggered, Tara offers herself words of encouragement, she may place her hand over her heart stroke her own face and offer love…over and over until she begins to feel that love and the energy shifts to a very sweet place of acceptance.

Throughout her life of practicing loving kindness, Tara now notices one big difference when triggered, she no longer believes those negative thoughts and emotions. "The feelings may be real…but they are not true."

  Our essence will always shine bright but as Pema Chödrön counsels we must first drop the story line and just be with the raw emotion in order to transmute it or as I have often heard it said, we must bring the darkness (our shadow) into the light for healing to occur. Perhaps one way is to acknowledge and give voice to the unspeakable or seeming unacceptable parts of myself.

It is only when we find the compassion within to forgive, atone for our mistakes and love ourselves so that we can begin to love the world back to health. We cannot do this on our own but we can use the gifts that the Spirit offers to illuminate the hearts and minds of those around us through unending loving kindness.

For this I pray.

Amen.

Liz Sorensen Wessel

Watercolor by ~liz