Life isThe home is the most intimate setting to receive healthcare. Caregivers (clinicians; we are all caregivers, one to another) who go into a person’s home to provide care, enter as stranger and quickly become relied upon as a trusted support to the person in need.

 Increasingly elderly people lack the necessary support to live safely at home. When caregivers experience moral distress due to extremely difficult patient circumstances they reach out for help and guidance.

Often there are no easy answers.

It is astonishing to witness what people will endure rather than relinquish their independence.

Chaos accompanies change.

Dramas unfold in daily life. What character do we play in our stories? Are we the hero or scoundrel, an angel or fiend, generous or stingy, kind or uncaring, victim or attacker, a good Samaritan or would we rather cross to the other side of the road?

Dedicated caregivers go to great lengths to be of help.

I know many stories of caregivers going above and beyond to respond to people in dire need, often at their own expense; giving of their time, energy and personal resources. Yet, these kind gestures provide only temporary relief because they do not address systemic issues.

The heart wrenching dilemma is when we reach a crossroad and have to ask ourselves; is our limited support enabling an unsafe situation or do we walk away and risk abandonment?

People have the right to self- determination. 

We strive to accompany the most vulnerable, to do what is right, to honor human dignity and offer compassion to the person in need rather than avert our eyes and cross to the other side.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
                                                                                            ~Maya Angelou

Liz Sorensen Wessel 
Watercolor by ~liz

4 responses to “Days 204-205 Life Is…”

  1. Maureen McDermott Avatar
    Maureen McDermott

    Liz, your sharing today rings true with so many home truths and challenging thoughts. “Chaos accompanies change” captures the moment forcefully – am I willing to be vulnerable with others? am I gracious in my patience and trust? am I wise in my listening? am I ready to reach out in faith, care and support? Thank you Liz.

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  2. Julie Avatar
    Julie

    Dear Liz, this was my week exactly like this. A friend’s husband has cancer in his brain from Lung Cancer. He is at home, on Hospice. She is a very independent lady, and of course, determined to keep him at home. But there were many challenges that came up, and she was frustrated that the nurses and home health agencies were not meeting the needs. As a nurse, I could see how she needed to let go of some of the control she lived by, and accept help for the benefit of her husband and mostly for herself. So, with some gentle persuasion and explanations of what Hospice of how they can help you, she has been able to use what resources she needs to keep her husband comfortable. My initial inclination was to “fix” things right for her, right away. But over the course of 3 days, she understands what Hospice can do, feels like they are a team who listens to her, and she will be able to keep her husband comfortable at home. In the meantime, my dear companion has been there for me to listen to me, and support what I need to help my friend. Blessings abound, abundance of grace surrounds us.

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  3. Erie Chapman Foundation Avatar

    And YOU are the one that makes us feel inspired. You are the one that helps us understand what matters and why caregiving is sacred work. Thank you for this affirmation of one of the most important aspects of human sophistication, that things do NOT have to be one way or the other, black and white, either/or. We can hold BOTH/AND. We can live with the “confusion” of two ideas and hold the honor and dignity of BOTH.

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  4. Terry Chapman Avatar
    Terry Chapman

    My Ph.D. advisor, mentor, and good friend Dr. Dobbs always made me feel good about myself and my approach to life and particularly higher education as my career.
    For five challenging years, he was a lamp always lit; a bridge always crossable; with his welcoming smile, and a little kidding on occasion, when he called me Terrence, which is not my formal name (Terry is). He never missed a chance to encourage progress toward my goal.
    Oh and by the way, I did earn the first Ph.D. in my family from the University of Missouri at Columbia, MO, in 1980,in Adult Education but the memory of times spent with Dr. Dobbs represent what commitment to teaching and advising should be, eternally!

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