"Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the
latter part of a
sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
Winston Churchill loved them." ~Anon

Here are a few paraprosdokians from a distinguished cat named Esmae who dreams these up as he gazes out the window of his charming Vermont home.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a
fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 To steal ideas from one person is
plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

 I didn't say it was your fault, I said I
was blaming you.

In filling out an application, where it
says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

You're never too old to learn something irrelevant.

They
begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it
isn’t.

I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s
getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

I
used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure…

Contributed by ~liz Sorensen Wessel

Photos of Esmae Carr, Vermont 2011 by ~liz

Source: http://peopleplacesandpastimes.com/points-to-ponder/paraprosdokians/