Days 84-88 – Love’s Discipline – Journal of Sacred Work

"Vision without execution is hallucination." – Thomas Edison

Similarly, Love isn't love without discipline.

I'll never forget the phone call I received one morning from the Director of Human Resources at a hospital that had begun the Radical Loving Care initiative. "Erie, we're going to have to suspend your loving care work," she told me. "We are going through a lay-off."

"Why would that make you think you have to stop the program?" I asked.

"People we're letting go will think we're hypocrites."

Of course, I told her that Radical Loving Care was more important during tough encounters than it was during easy ones. Further, engaging Love to create a culture of healing is not "my" program. To succeed, the vision must, as Edison taught, move to each person's execution.

Any relationship uninformed by Love is simply a set of transactions.

The good outcome of my conversation with the HR director is that it led to increased training of leaders on how to "fire" someone in ways guided by Love instead of fear. In essence, layoffs and terminations in a healing organization must utilize two of Love's highest characteristics: Respect and humility.

The hardest obstacle faced in understanding loving care is that Love is never limited to tenderness anymore than a good diet is composed exclusively of sugar. Yet, I constantly encounter leaders (particularly men) who wrongly conclude that loving care is some kind of frivolous "touchy-feely" (a terrible phrase) thing.

Understanding the "tough-minded" element of loving care is as simple as noticing how muscle is built or professional degrees are won. No one ever became strong by sitting around being "nice" to themselves. No one ever became a good parent by letting their children have whatever they wanted. No marriage or friendship can succeed if the couple breaks apart after the first argument. Beauty cannot be appreciated without discipline.

This is "Radical Loving Care: 101." Unfortunately, the majority of leaders, stuck in a wrong notion of the meaning of Love, fail the course.

-Erie Chapman

Photograph: "Shirt Button – Light & Dark Series" copyright erie chapman 2013

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Categories: Reflections, Holidays, Spirituality

Tags: caregivers, Erie Chapman, healthcare, Love, love’s discipline, Radical Loving Care, the discipline of Love, Thomas Edison

9 responses to “Days 84-88 – Love’s Discipline”

~liz Wessel

March 25, 2013 at 8:21 am

Powerful wisdom; equally transcendent is your exquisite image. Thank you.
I await and will listen for the wisdom others might have to offer on this important subject, which you have brought to light.

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juli laverdiere

March 25, 2013 at 4:07 pm

Love with discipline is absolutely necessary! The alternative is lack of character. I love the analogy of a parent failing to teach they the right thing to do, to correct them when they are wrong. The direction toward doing what is right leads to the respect that we receive. So needed, thanks

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Cheri Cancelliere

March 25, 2013 at 6:09 pm

Erie,
Thank you for your wise words. So many organizations “talk about” radical loving care, but neglect the actual practice when making hard decisions. People are no less worthy of dignity when their job has been eliminated, yet the tendency is to pretend that the laid off person is no longer there far before they reach their last day. The hypocrisy is in thinking of love as something one can pick up or lay aside dependent upon convenience or when others are looking. I have been on both sides of this issue and will never forget my last day at an organization that was struggling financially. My boss took me to lunch and thanked me for my loyalty and assured that he would always be there for me as a friend and cheerleader. We were both able to hold our heads high, knowing we had each done our best under unfortunate circumstances. No one wants to deal with the unpleasantness of downsizing, but we can give a wonderful gift to others in the midst of their feelings of loss, by simply saying thank you and offering to help and bless their ongoing journey.

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Sarah Kelly

March 25, 2013 at 6:48 pm

I agree with this, however I also feel that for a person who is going through a lay-off that no words really help the feelings of let down and panic going through their minds no matter how it is done. While loving words may be a nice or kind way of laying someone off, this does not help with the sadness and fear they have thinking about how they are going to pay their bills. I also feel that when someone gets laid off their job they also lose a routine and an attachment that they have grown to rely on. This too can be hard to get over. However, by displaying kind words, love, and appreciation I feel can help with such a sensitive and delicate conversation. Thank you for this thought provoking story.

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Erie Chapman Foundation

March 25, 2013 at 11:43 pm

Thank you Juli, Liz, Cheri and Sarah,
There is no easy way to handle a termination or lay-off. It’s both a hardship and heartbreak. Love tells us to be more than simply nice but to be empathetic, respectful and to offer real support whenever possible. Still, as was pointed out, losing a job is always about more than just losing the income. The relationships, the setting, the sense of being able to live out a calling, all are suddenly interrupted. Separations become “killings” when the departing team member becomes invisible.

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Anne Nguyen

March 27, 2013 at 11:55 am

I believe it is important to have a loving attitude in all that we do. Whether it be in routine daily activities, at work/school, or facing tough encounters. I am a very soft, loving person that is used to being kind to an individual no matter what circumstances-and I pretty much expect it to be reciprocated. I have been spoken to without character or respect- and it left me broken,confused, and searching for an answer to who I am. On the other hand, I have been spoken to with respectful, kind, loving words and that left me with a better understanding and more of an acceptance of what is going on. In terms of elimination of a job, I have not encountered this personally, but I do know that loving, kind words that are respectful and considerate as opposed to just slapping a lay-off notice on the desk will definitely affect the individual’s response and method of coping. In life, I think it is just better to love and be loving than not-you get better results on both ends.

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Anne Nguyen

March 27, 2013 at 11:55 am

Thank you for sharing this inspiring story.

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Alicia Bernard

March 27, 2013 at 1:22 pm

It is true that laying off employees is no easy thing to do, but the way it is executed, I believe, can make all the difference. In these tough times, radical loving care should be especially embraced by leaders doing the laying off. People are left with a heavy burden and feelings of loss, where a cold approach would only add to the sting of losing their job. Maintaining respect and empathy demonstrates true character and it could be those tender words shared that keep an individual afloat despite desperate times. I would appreciate if the boss letting me go were to offer that little extra time to show their appreciation for my work and concern for my well-being. It would not only help me maintain positive feelings towards my boss, but also the job I was leaving and the entire organization. Thank you for sharing your provoking thoughts and story on radical loving care.

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Atossa Araghian

March 28, 2013 at 3:50 pm

Thannk you for sharing this eye opening story. I completely agree that love with discipline is neccessary. It is important to have this value enstiled in you as a child.

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