Bit by bit Mary has lost her ability to do any of the most
basic aspects of self-care. Her world has narrowed within the confines of the
four walls of her room. Restricted to bed she relies on her husband for everything
and quite literally he is right by her side. Mr. J says, “I lie right next
to my wife and do the exercises with her." It is getting tough for him. “She
pulls her oxygen off at night and begins to cough, so I need wake up frequently
to help her and I do not get much sleep. My back is in bad shape and it really
hurts to lift her. She fell out of bed and I had to call the paramedics come to
help me. I am in atrial fibrillation all the time and I need surgery. We don’t
have any children and the family we have live out of state, so there is no one
we can call to help us.” The rest of the house has become quite unlivable as
this couple’s ability to manage a household has dwindled through the years.

Midnights in winter, the glowing
fire
Lights up your face in orange and gold
I see your sweet smile, shine through the
darkness
It's line is etched in my memory
So I’d know you by heart

Mary is in the final stage of life. It would not be
surprising if she were to die in the next few months, weeks or days. She sleeps a lot and
drifts in and out of conscious awareness. We discuss the advantages of hospice
and all the additional services they could receive beyond the home health benefit. He doesn’t want Mary to know that
she is nearing the end of her life. “I want her to die happy.” He states, “We
are not ready”  but a seed was planted.

Finances are a challenge. The reverse mortgage on their home
has been exhausted. Mr. J’s most pressing need is to arrange care for his wife
so that he can have peace of mind when he is hospitalized. Some phone
calls reveal that a skilled nursing facility is not covered by insurance. “I
can’t afford to hire anyone; do you know how expensive it is? There does not
seem to be any easy solution.

                                                     Mornings in April, sharing our
secrets
                                                     We’d walk until the morning was gone
                                                    We were like children, laughing for
hours
                                                     The joy you gave me lives on and on
                                                           'Cause I know you by heart

 Three weeks later and Mr. J agrees to hospice for his wife. The
transition does not go smoothly. Mr. J provides some conflicting information, which
is creating chaos for the team. His universe is his Mary. His sole concern is
to know she is welled cared for when he leaves. He worries that she because she
knows she is on hospice her happiness has been stolen. Yet, he says, “She is so
much more comfortable now.”

Mr. J’s love for his wife is inspiring. The odds may be against them
but Love is a powerful force and combined with the service of a caring team
miracles can happen. To me, Mr. J's love and devotion reflects Christ in our world.

He is grieving, not knowing if he will come through his
surgery okay. He wonders if he will ever see his Mary again. Will she be well
cared for? The Hospice team meets often and collaborates with Mr. J to work
through the continual dilemmas that arise. 
Today he and the social worker will visit the facility together to arrange
for Mary’s care. Monday he will have his needed surgery.

 I still hear your voice on warm
summer nights
Whispering like the wind
You left in autumn, the leaves were turning
I walked down roads of orange and
gold
I saw your sweet smile, I heard your
laughter
You’re still here beside me every
day
'Cause I know you by heart
'Cause I know you by heart

~liz Sorensen Wessel
Song Lyrics by Eva
Cassidy
Mandala by ~liz