"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it." – Bill Cosby

I read the physical therapists report that described Mrs. M as being tearful today, “I have cancer and if that is not enough, now an earthquake. This is just too much.” I picked up the phone and decided to place an outreach call. “Hi Mrs. M, this is Elizabeth, one of the nurse managers from home health. I just thought I would check in with you and see how our services are going?” “Oh, there fine, everyone is very nice.” Well how are you doing? I asked. “I am feeling very cranky today. I am so overwhelmed by everything. I have all these doctor appointments and nurses coming out to see me and the physical therapist, I am just too busy. I am so frustrated I don’t have any time to do things. I haven’t cleaned my house and there are bills that need to be paid. It is all too much.”

She went on to say, “I’m sorry I know I should not be complaining.”  “You are not complaining. It sounds as if you are going through a very difficult time.” I said. Her voice cracked and she became tearful. “I don’t have much help; my step son comes on the w/e to do my grocery shopping. I am very weak and unsteady and you know I live alone. The social worker is supposed to come  tomorrow.”  “Yes, I think she might be able to help you sort through some of this to figure out how best to support you.” 

“Well, my blood count is low so they could not give me chemo this week. I am having this awful pain that shoots down my leg, they call it sciatica.” She proceeded to tell me about the unpleasant side effects she was experiencing from chemo.  “Our medical director will be here this afternoon. He is a pain specialist. Can we call you and see if there is something that might help ease your pain? “Well, I have a new pain medicine but I am not taking it. My friend looked up the side effects and it can make you suicidal.”  Perhaps, that is a potential side effect but it is very rare and it is unlikely that it would affect you that way. Is it okay if we call? I asked. “I am sorry but I am having a bad day and I am not in a good mood.  I’m sorry; I know I shouldn’t be this way. Maybe he could call when I feel more cheerful.”  I responded, “Mrs. M, you have every right to feel the way you do. You are going through a very rough time. He can answer your questions and address these concerns about the new medication.”

“You know I went to my doctor’s office building yesterday and there were big holes in many of the windows. It was a big mess. I figured it was from the earthquake but the nurse told me that some enraged man caused the damage. I don’t know maybe he was frustrated about his care or that of a loved one.” “Oh no, that is terrible, was anyone hurt?” I asked. “No. It happened on the weekend and no one was there. I guess they caught him. He hurled big rocks through a bunch of the windows.” “Thank God, no one was injured”, I replied.

“Wow, I guess there is someone even more frustrated than you!” I exclaimed. At that, she began to laugh, and then she made a silly comment, “Yeah, perhaps, I should call him up and tell him how I feel too.” We laughed and she made another humorous remark as a flood gate of laughter erupted from both of us. We connected. All the sadness, pain, anxiety and the irony was released in a moment of understanding. I felt a shift in her energy as her voice gained a lighter tone. She no longer was crying. It seemed that our encounter was cathartic and therapeutic for both of us.

I am not sure what it is about humor. It can strike at the most inappropriate times; especially when something is not funny and you know you should not laugh. I guess you could just as easily cry. They say laughter is on the other side of tears. Mrs. M agreed to our phone call that afternoon. Yet, intuitively, I knew that our little conversation offered something more healing than any pain medicine  could ever provide.

~liz Sorensen Wessel